Know Fear
This beautiful art is from @cleverbirdcreates!
Happy Halloween Dear Ones!
How many times in our lives have people told us to be “fearless”? Have you ever found that helpful? I think it’s amazing if you have. But personally, I can’t say that fearlessness is an idea that’s ever felt right to me. I believe that FDR is right and that the fear never leaves, so we find what we must within us to move through the fear.
For me, fear is a constant companion. We know each other intimately, and that little trickster always knows which buttons to push. Historically, the more I push fear away, the more present and overwhelming fear becomes.
When I was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, I experienced 15 months of chaos that completely changed my life. Sometimes life delivers something to our doorstep, and we can’t help but be really fucking scared. Cancer was one of those packages in my life. During those 15 months, fear and I became well acquainted.
I would try to deny that fear was there, and it would change its clothes and give me something new to worry about. I tried to put it in a box and shove it in the corner of my mind, and it would bust out of that box every time. Denying my fear or trying to hide from it was not a brave thing to do, and most importantly, it wasn’t helpful.
The fear made me uncomfortable. It also made those around me uncomfortable. When someone is facing their own mortality, it can be extremely easy for them to believe they’re doing it alone. But for those that love you, they are staring down your mortality as well.
A delicate balance begins, and I walked that tightrope the best I knew how. I tried to make sure no one saw my fear. On the outside, I was “brave and fighting”. On the inside, I was trembling and losing it.
Even now, my stomach clenches when I have a doctor’s appointment. The difference is my response. Before, when I got scared, I’d spin out into destructive coping skills, attention-seeking behavior, and bad attitudes.
Now, I know that none of that’s necessary. Now, I can talk with my fear, establish boundaries, and feel my way through it. I’ve accepted that fear is inevitable. It’s an emotion that will find me again and again throughout my life. I can choose to have a relationship with it and lead the way, or I can let it drive, knowing it will have me doing donuts on the front lawn and leave me not feeling very good about myself or my situation.
Think about the last time you were scared. What happened? What did it look like? What did it feel like? What did you do?
Fear is present for me right now as I am writing this. It’s saying, what are people gonna think, how are they going to respond? My chosen response is, I appreciate your concern, Fear, but honestly, it’s none of my business what other people will think or how they’ll respond.
Starting this newsletter and this business has been important.
It’s important, first and foremost, for me. Writing helps me navigate through my thoughts and feelings, and my intention with this newsletter is to better understand myself and share my thoughts and this journey with others in hopes that someone out there benefits from what I’m learning.
This is vulnerable, and it’s scary. But my fear knows I’m going to push the publish button anyway. For a while now, I’ve been using my fear as a compass, following the direction it points me in and getting curious about why it triggers a fear response. Most of my favorite life experiences have happened due to curiously following my fear.
Life's most beautiful gifts can be found when we accept our fear and move with it. The more we fight against it, the more we miss out on beautiful and unexpected gifts.
Fearless is not a word I choose as a part of my vocabulary, it’s never felt real to me or achievable. I’ve changed “no fear” to "know fear”. Be scared and do it anyway.
Lean in when you’re feeling scared, dear one, and try to understand the deeper message fear is trying to deliver to you. Talk with your fear or journal out a conversation with your fear. Be grateful for your fear. Its job is to keep you alive, and if you’re reading this, it’s done its job so far.
And know going forward, you have a clear choice. You can choose to let your fear drive the car, or you can put it in the backseat and revoke its navigation and radio privileges.
You get to decide, dear reader, because this is your one true and beautiful life to live. Kindly let your fear know who’s boss. If you accept that fear will be a constant companion, you can reconfigure your relationship with it.
If fear feels overwhelming or paralyzing to you, let’s talk. There’s a better and more pleasant way to live. I’ve only got ONE spot left in my 100 day program for the rest of the year, what are you waiting for?
Thanks for being here with me and allowing me to join your journey to becoming your best self.
With love and kindness,
Jessica
PS.
It’s fall! I’ve gotten back to my creative time and been knitting again! I’ve got some projects to finish, and this rainbow blanket is coming along. 🙂 I bought the kit in 2021 and I’m feeling motivated and excited to try to finish it this year.
P.P.S.
I’m currently working on a certification program to work with people with disordered eating, emotional eating, and binge eating habits. I’m currently looking for clients who struggle with their eating to be a part of my case study for this program. If you or someone you know is interested, please reach out.
Come see me at one of my upcoming speaking events:
November 13th 630pm730pm I’ll be talking about Setting and Maintaining healthy boundaries at Anoka Hennepin:
In a world that demands constant connectivity and multitasking, maintaining a healthy balance between our own needs and the demands of others has become more crucial than ever.
During this engaging session, we will explore the art of establishing and maintaining boundaries, both with ourselves and in our interactions with others.
You will gain the tools to navigate life's challenges while preserving your well-being through a blend of practical guidance, real-life examples, and interactive discussions.
Sign up here: https://ahschools.ce.eleyo.com/course/10621/adult-fall-2023/new-creating-and-maintaining-healthy-boundaries
November 28, 2023 6:30 - 7:30 PM Mastering Real Self-Care to Prevent Burnout
Could you manage your energy similar to how you manage your money? Yes!
In this interactive talk, you'll learn the six surprising areas of your life that are seemingly unrelated to health and burnout but hugely impact how your brain and body function at work and home.
Participants will be able to reflect on what refuels their energy and what depletes it. You will learn strategies that prevent burnout and ensure your health bank account is overflowing with abundant energy reserves.
RSVP Here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mastering-real-self-care-to-prevent-burnout-tickets-745578885517?aff=oddtdtcreator
***Use Code NEWSLETTER2023 for 50% off your ticket!
