Self-Compassion
Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash
"Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others."
~Christopher Gerner
Hello, Dear Ones,
Lately, there’s a theme I’ve noticed my clients struggling with, and to be honest with you, they’re not alone; I’ve struggled with it myself. I work primarily with women, so I can’t speak to whether men have the same experience, but what I’ve noticed is that our internal dialogues can be really self-critical and lacking in compassion.
Why is it so much easier to be compassionate to others and not give that same compassion to ourselves? We have such high expectations of ourselves that are oftentimes unrealistic, yet we don’t typically hold others to the same standard.
Another pattern that continues to show itself is that collectively, it’s easy for us to prioritize the time to take care of others, but when it comes to making the time to care for ourselves, the time seems to have run out. We’re all familiar now with the metaphor of putting your own oxygen mask on first, but there is a difference between putting the oxygen mask on and actually using it.
What I mean here is that we all know we need to put the mask on, and maybe on the outside, we make it look like it’s on. But we actually have to pause to take a breath before we put someone else’s on. Those things don’t come with transportable oxygen tanks; they're connected to that one seat right there. So pausing to breathe from the oxygen mask and then helping those surrounding us is more reasonable. Taking a quick breath and then going up and down the plane searching for people to help does us no good.
But that’s what I see people doing. And I get it because I’ve been guilty of it myself.
It’s so much easier to focus on what’s going on out there, in the world, with other people. It can be really important to be informed and involved. And at the same time, the truth remains that we need to be aware of what’s happening within us.
We need to stay tuned to what we need at this moment.
Going into this season of giving, I know many of us are feeling overwhelmed by the volume of things to do, gifts to get, meals to make, and celebrations to attend. That can be a positive kind of stress. But it’s also important at this time to remember that you get to determine your boundaries, and you need to be aware of them yourself (this can be hard!) and communicate them to the ones around you.
Tuning into your boundaries and stating them are the ultimate way that we set those realistic expectations for ourselves.
Spend some time thinking about what you truly want and need at this time, and then set realistic expectations for yourselves and your loved ones this season. Be as kind, compassionate, and generous to yourselves as you would be with your best friend.
If you need any help with that this season or transitioning into next year, I’m here for you.
With love, kindness, and an abundance of gratitude,
Jessica
P.S.
This meditation found its way to me today, and I felt called to share it. You can find it here. It’s from Yoga with Adriene, a YouTube channel I adore. She provides free yoga and meditation videos regularly and has many videos and playlists on her page. In the month of January, she’ll be offering a 30-days-of-yoga challenge that is free for all and perfect for any level of yogi. I just signed up, and I’m really looking forward to starting the year this way! You can find out more here!
If you found this letter relatable or inspiring and you’d like to show some love, feel free to buy me a coffee 😀
