Unconditional Self Love

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself first to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball 

Hello, Dear Ones, 

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about self-love and self-compassion. The path to these skills has been long and treacherous at times, so I wondered if there was a simpler way. I believe there is, and I would like to share a little more about why I feel this through an activity that I found impactful. 
 

Starting out on this epic journey to live in a way that felt better, I didn’t expect much. I hoped to find light and joy. I never expected to find myself. I didn’t know that my truest, most beautiful self was hiding. She was underneath layers of protection I had built up over years of trying to fit in and build a life that I felt was perfect. I spent a lot of time distracting myself with things I felt I needed to be doing and not tuning in to truly listen to myself and my needs. Many of these things were good things we all feel like we should be doing: work, travel, time spent with friends and family, volunteering, reading, exercising, and the list goes on. At times in my life, I have felt that our society is incapable of being anything but busy and that the alternative lifestyle was untenable. What happens when something forces us to slow down? 

Then came the year 2020. A global pandemic from Covid-19. All of a sudden, a lot of our normal busy life stopped. We couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. A lot of people were forced to slow down and stay put. I had months of travel plans ahead that were suddenly canceled. Instead of loathing the time at home, I leaned into it. I experimented with new self-care strategies and started making time to figure out what I wanted to do. I tuned in to my feelings of guilt that I was a nurse that was unemployed while the world was on fire, and one of my close friends had just died. I felt everything. Acutely. I started spending time in stillness every day, started journaling about what I was feeling, and started reflecting on what I wanted in my one beautiful, precious life. I reached out to friends I knew I could trust, and we talked. I continued the journey of changing my life one baby step at a time.  Along the way, I caught glimpses of this woman that was familiar and that I felt warmly towards. I kept peeling back the layers until I was at my very core. 
 

A couple of months in, I was able to look in the mirror and see the most authentic and beautiful version of myself. It was a staggering feeling. I didn’t realize it until now, but I was unearthing the woman I am and falling in love with her on the way. I’ve been fortunate to have a great love story with a man I will save for telling another time. But this, falling in love with the person I discovered I am, was the greatest love story of my life. It’s something I want for all of us. After all, we are the only person we’re going to be stuck with forever – it would be helpful if we loved that person. I know I am capable of great things and can do anything I set my mind to do because, after all this time, I believe in myself. This love, like all loves, is not perfect. There are moments when it is tested, and I have to work at it. But I have learned that this is part of life’s journey. It’s our responsibility to ask ourselves growth-promoting questions that challenge our understanding and potentially shake up everything. 

I wonder, dear reader, if you love yourself? Are you honoring your truest, most beautiful self, or is there something you could do for yourself that would cultivate a truer or more beautiful life experience for you? Don’t wait for another pandemic to stop the world to take this time for yourself. Your life is happening right now. What is one thing you could do to show up for yourself today? I want you to know that there are so many people walking this path with you, this journey to self-love and self-discovery. Thank you for being here with me and allowing me to be a part of your journey to becoming your best self. I’m here for you, and I see you.

With love and kindness,

Jessica

Activity time! 

I found this activity incredibly impactful. I would recommend answering the questions on a piece of paper, in a journal, or in conversation with someone you trust. We’ve all been asked at some point if the things we say to ourselves are something we would say to our best friend, and this is a version of that question. I want you to start by thinking about someone you love. Pull up an image of them in your mind, and think about how interacting with them makes you feel. Think about the love you have in your heart for them. Is it unconditional love? Could that person do anything that would make you turn away from them? 

Now put your hand on your heart and bring an image of you to mind. Do you have someone in your life that you feel loves you unconditionally? Do you unconditionally love yourself? What does that feel like if you do, and how do you express that self-love? If you don’t, that’s ok, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. How do you feel about yourself? How would you express that self-love, and is there something you can do to take a step in that direction today? 

I want to end with a question that I heard often and didn’t put much stock in until now: How can we expect others to love us unconditionally if we are unwilling to love ourselves that way? I believe this is an essential question because unconditional love feels different. Unconditional love allows us and others to show up authentically. It allows space for us to be genuine and cultivate true loving connections. That connection is liberating, and I personally haven’t found anything that feels better than the joy of loving myself as I truly am.