Being Independent Is Overrated
“In and through community lies the salvation of the world.” ~ M. Scott Peck
Happy Wednesday Dear Ones,
Lately, I’ve been thinking about why many of us struggle to ask for help and accept it when it’s offered. I’ve realized I was raised to believe that relying on others was a weakness and that depending upon yourself, being independent meant I was strong. It’s taking time for me to unlearn this belief and get comfortable asking those in my life to support me when I need it.
We as humans aren’t meant to be independent of each other, yet somehow, that’s become the narrative. We’re meant to be interdependent, and whether or not you recognize it, you are now. You probably don’t forage for or create every ingredient in your meals. You probably don’t chop wood to heat your house or supply your electricity. We are all connected – because we all depend on each other. We depend on other humans we don’t even know to ensure that our food is grown and harvested, transported to the grocery store, and then placed on the shelves so we can purchase it.
Think about how many people rely on the work you do every day and the support you provide. How would it feel if you weren’t needed in the world by someone, depended on for love, affection, friendship, companionship, or to be a sounding board? We need each other. Independence is a limiting belief handed to us that we need to replace with something better. It shows strength to ask for the help you need, and it shows love and compassion to show up for other people when they need support. It demonstrates kindness and generosity to not wait to be asked for help but to ask the people that matter, “How can I support you?”
A friend of mine shared that phrase with me earlier this year, and I have been using it regularly ever since. What’s surprised me is that most people don’t know how to respond to this question. They don’t know what they need because we aren’t used to asking for support. We haven’t normalized it yet, and we so desperately need to.
Asking for what you need is brave, and it can be really hard. It’s also necessary, so you can take the steps necessary to prioritize yourself and what is most important in your life. Then, in turn, you can offer that same support to someone else; help them so they can help themselves. We can only care for others as well as we care for ourselves.
We cannot do this life alone, and we were never meant to. Our burdens were meant to be shared, not shouldered alone. When it gets hard, or when fear steps in, I want you to picture someone you love struggling to ask for the help they need. What would you say to them? How would you show up for them or encourage them? Now do that for yourself.
We can build small and strong communities of support for ourselves, with people that will show up for us and that we can depend on, people that will help hold us accountable for the promises we make to ourselves. But we have to invite others into those communities. We have to ask them to help us build the community. We have to be vulnerable (it’s scary, I know!) and lean in. We all struggle in life, and it is normal and ok to need other people. We are not alone. You are not alone.
My challenge for you is to think of one way you can ask for support from someone else to benefit your well-being, and also try out the phrase how can I support you if the opportunity presents itself. I would love to hear how this goes for you and what you learn!
I’m so grateful to be a part of your journey. I see you, and I am here with you.
Jessica
P.S. I have been out of my usual space for the past couple of weeks helping a family member. This has clarified how vital the small parts of our routine (for me, my meditation and morning journaling) are- and how necessary it is to keep these practices up when traveling or outside our typical space. I’ve been leaning hard on these practices and my creative yarn projects as my time for me. These small things help keep me grounded and my cup full so I can care for others and not deplete my own energy.
