Comparison Is Stealing Our Joy
Hello, Dear Ones,
Brene Brown gave me these amazing words a few years ago: Comparison is the thief of joy. I don't know how many times I’ve said it. To myself, to clients, to loved ones. I can still feel the truth of it in every fiber of my being.
Comparison robs us of our peace with ourselves and our lives. Our minds will never stop comparing things; they’re wired for it. So it’s important for us to begin to notice and acknowledge when we start to do it. I love the definition of comparison that Brene gives in her new book Atlas of the Heart. She writes, “comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other – it’s like trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.” The proposed solution she offers in this book begins with becoming aware that we are comparing and then making a choice as to whether or not we allow it to impact our mood or how we view ourselves.
While I understand that comparison is natural, I’ve noticed that we tend to compare ourselves to others most often in areas we hold certain limiting beliefs. I learned from Mel Robbins that a limiting belief is a belief about ourselves that holds us back in some way. It may be that someone gave you this belief sometime in your life, or it was learned through observation or cultural conditioning. An example can be the belief that we are “too much,” “too heavy,” “not smart enough,” or something else altogether.
These beliefs limit the progress we can make because we hold onto them as truths that are unchangeable. In order to change, we first need to examine our limiting beliefs and replace them with something more positive and closer to reality. It is often hard to see our own potential, so we need to first find a way to shift our perspective. While examining what some of your limiting beliefs are, do it as though you are having a conversation with someone you love. What would you say to them if they told you these were their limiting beliefs?
If you can, take a second now to think about what one of your limiting beliefs is. Notice how that belief feels in your body. Does it feel true? For some it does, but for many, it does not. Either way, how can you reframe this in your mind to become a belief you can hold that is more real or at least what you would like to feel true.
Examples:
Limiting Belief ~ Reframe
I am too much ~ I am just enough
I am broken ~ I am whole and healing
I am stupid ~ I am always capable of learning
I am selfish ~ Taking care of myself and prioritizing my needs is necessary
I am unlovable ~ I am worthy of love as I am
This is a starting point. We must understand our mindset and the stories we are telling ourselves about who we truly are and what we deserve before we can make radical meaningful change. Knowing ourselves is the first step. You are a layered person – complicated in the very best of ways. You are enough as you are right now. You are worthy of knowing, and you deserve to live a joyful and peaceful life. What does that look like for you?
I’m so grateful to be on this journey with you. I see you, and I am here with you.
Jessica
P.S. This past weekend I challenged myself to try something new! My husband and I love getting outdoors, and it has been hard to want to do that in these cold Minnesota temperatures. We went snowshoeing and on a morning stroll to see the sunrise. We had to be VERY bundled up, but it was worth it! See pics below. It was a great reminder to keep trying new things and to push past my comfort zone.
