What is Self-Care Really?

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”

~ Audre Lorde

Hello, Dear Ones, 

Caring for ourselves is the single most important and impactful practice we can do to positively impact the world. You may be thinking, how does me caring for me, impact the world at all? Here is the thing, we’re part of the world. We are connected to the world and what happens in it. I love this quote from Mulan (not the 2020 version) “A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.” This quote has stayed with me over the years, to help me understand my significance when my actions and life feel insignificant. These past couple of years have been full of examples of how one person’s actions can impact the world for better or for worse. 

How many examples are there of small behaviors or things we’ve done in our lives that we didn’t get to see the effect of? Maybe it comes back to us later, and maybe it doesn’t. I know I have had experiences of both a positive and negative sort rebound months or years down the road that were tied to a single event. 

I recently learned about the three degrees of influence that come from well-known scientists Christakis and Fowler. This theory implies that our feelings, behaviors, and attitudes impact people in three degrees of separation from us. Our behaviors and attitudes impact our friend, her behaviors influence her friend, and so forth. So really, our decisions and behaviors impact many more people than we could have thought possible. 

Now back to self-care. Hopefully, I’ve given you a small window into why caring for yourself is important. The most important thing I’ve found about it though is that it FEELS GOOD! Just about three years ago, I set out on a self-care journey. I was feeling terrible physically and mentally, not fully enjoying my life, overweight, and overall pretty miserable. I knew that I needed to do something to change how I was feeling. I had heard about self-care and chalked it up to time spent reading and taking bubble baths. Then I read this article from Thought Catalog.  

It changed my life. It was the “a-ha” moment I was looking for. I knew in my heart that taking baths and time spent relaxing was not what I needed. I was craving something more. I started thinking about the things that felt hard, but that I felt would be good for my well-being. I came up with: cook food for myself, getting regular physical activity, and getting in touch with my mind and authentic self. So I started doing all of those things. The trick for me, and most people, was to start small. I started journaling for a few minutes every morning in a structured way and doing a couple of minutes of mindful breathing. I started thinking about food to make that sounded good, and I found podcasts, playlists, and books to listen to that motivated me to walk in my neighborhood. 

Over time, this turned into a routine of sorts. The more consistent I was with it, the better I felt. Within the first two years, I had cultivated an expanded version of my morning routine. Over time, I have added what feels right and eliminated anything that felt like wasted time or that I wasn’t feeling a benefit from. Along this path, I learned what has worked for me, and I also have found a way to give myself permission to explore innovative ways to create meaningful change in my life. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it.

In the book Untamed, Glennon Doyle talks about writing things in the sand as opposed to in stone. We don’t need to commit ourselves to any act of self-care for eternity. We are evolving beings as humans. What we need and what feels best is going to change sometimes, and that is okay. It’s to be expected even. Some may find that to be a difficult thought, but I invite you to be liberated by this idea. Nothing needs to be forever, but it can be if it continues to feel right for you. You get to decide. Because you gorgeous human, this is your life. You get to choose your path. Even in the hardest of times, when we feel like the world is conspiring against us and nothing is going right, we have the power to decide what we do about it.    

What feels right to you? If you were to choose one thing to nourish yourself, what would it be? What one simple (and/or hard!) choice do you feel would support your long-term vision of overall well-being? 

I’m including a list below of some fun (and practical) ideas for you to lean into caring for yourself. Please feel free to share more ideas you have or ways you care for yourself in the comments below, or by replying to this e-mail.

Self-Care ideas:
 
Get to 7-9 hours of sleep at night
Move your body
Create a budget
Meditate
Eat nourishing foods
Learn to cook something
Learn to bake something
Review your spending habits
Read a book about a topic that interests you
Journal 
Create something
Get outside 
Call a friend and be vulnerable 
Organize your closet
Organize a room in your house
Clean out your car
Reach out to someone you miss
Write 5 cards to people you want to connect with 
Practice gratitude towards yourself and others
Take deep breaths
Random act of kindness
Cry 
Find something that makes you laugh
Take a nap
Detox from your phone
Play a game with your kids/spouse/partner/loved one
Delete social media
Plant something
Research something 
Take pictures
Redecorate 
Volunteer
Hydrate 

This is by no means a complete list of self-care activities. Some of these things are harder than others, but all have the opportunity to make you feel wonderful. Show up for yourself. Challenge yourself to do something on this list or that pops into your head that feels hard and right. Thank you for being here with me, and allowing me to be a part of your journey to becoming your best self. I’m here for you, and I see you. You’ve got this! 

With love and kindness,
Jessica

PS. The fun thing I am doing to take care of myself this week is experimenting with language! I have found over the past couple of weeks that using the phrase, “I want to be a person who,” helps me to adopt a certain behavior or attitude. So far it has looked like this:

“I want to be a person who eats nuts for a snack.”
“I want to be a person who does something creative most days.” 
“I want to be a person who reads a chapter of a book each day.” 
“I want to be a person who lives their values.” 
So far, it has been extremely helpful in helping me choose behaviors more intentionally, and participate in self-care habits that I may have skipped. 

Let me know what fun things you are doing to practice self-care!